QUESTION: As a songwriter I have always tried to focus on telling a story – be it by painting word pictures, or trying to drive an emotional reaction. One thing that I have not done much of is writing worship based music. On some level I feel that is because I look at quite a bit of what is out there in the genre and I feel like it is recycled horsecrap. Of course, the stuff that is truly GOOD gets me crazy intimidated. Those of you who have had some success with this type of writing – how do you approach it? Is it purely inspiration driven, or do you purposely sit down to write a worship song? What is your process?

MY ANSWER: This is something that I have really wrestled around with myself. I have been writing songs on the singer/songwriter spectrum for about 15 years now, but being a worship leader has given me the desire to try and write songs for the congregation that are accessible while not compromising lyrical or musical artistry, integrity or quality. I have struggled to write ‘congregational’ songs purely out of a place of inspiration because I am drawn more to more personal lyrics and melody lines since I am feeling it so deeply within me. I have written some good personal worship songs this way, but they could never be used as congregational worship. To write a good congregational worship song, it has to be balanced. Easy to sing musically, but fresh and engaging. It also needs to be more lyrically accessible than a personal worship song, while still avoiding cliche and be theologically deep. These balances are things that are only going to come with practice … and writing many bad songs to get to the good ones. On the inspiration end of things, I find it helps me to spend time reading, reflecting and discussing a certain topic or attribute of God’s character. This allows you to have a lot of knowledge and nuance in your head when you go to write a song to be able to let the inspiration and the Spirit lead. Those are just some of my humble thoughts from experience. I do believe that you should approach writing songs for congregational worship different from normal songwriting because you will not be the only one singing the song.

QUESTION: I have a question that I’d love to get feedback on. What type of Christian/moral standards do you think should exist for people on worship teams? Do higher standards exist for those who actually sing the words? Does it matter if someone on the team doesn’t live a godly life? Of course, we need to understand that godly doesn’t mean perfect.

MY ANSWER: I agree that we’ll never have it all together. I would also agree that having people in known sin while on the platform can be detrimental to the congregation. (This was a response to other comments in the thread) I think something that can often get lost in the shuffle of this type of discussion is that we are all in process and on a journey from who we were to who we will one day be. It is the PROCESS of Sanctification, after all. This is why relationship is so important. The only way you can know where someone really is at is by being in relationship with them. If someone is really struggling with anger, it could either be some sin issues, or it could be a real improvement over some abusive patterns in their life. That may not be the best example for someone up on the platform, but the point is that the only way to know if someone’s heart is in the right place to lead a congregation in worship is by knowing them. This becomes more difficult to do with a larger worship community, but also highlights the need for people in ministry to have a safe place where they can work through their struggles in a way that doesn’t automatically disqualify them from ministry. God knows we have all probably struggled with something at some point that would have gotten us thrown off the platform if it weren’t handled graciously. If we don’t have that, we hide, and sin only grows in the dark. If a worship community values authentic relationships, it will not only foster authentic worship, but allow people to confess their sins one to another that they might be healed.

So … what do you think? How would you respond to these two questions? Do you have any other questions you would like me to take a stab at?

Dr. Hsu, a beloved teacher and mentor from my alma mater, passed away this past Friday. I’m still trying to sort out how I’m doing with it. There’s been a heaviness that has settled over my heart these last couple of days since his passing that’s been hard to shake, even in this season of cheer. The first thing that hit me when I heard the news was the reminder of the special relationship we shared. It was something that he created with a good number of students at PBU, and I feel so privileged that I got to share that piece of him.

I remember how he used to call me Sandi Patty or Beyonce because of my affinity for contemporary music (something he never discouraged). I remember being one of the only people in his Music History class who could follow his crazy train of thought. I remember my Form & Analysis class with him that often ended up being just the two of us sitting in PBU’s Eagle’s Nest talking about music, life & faith. It was out of these times that my deep love for Debussy grew, and I remember my final paper written for him on “Clare de Lune” in which I was able to reference his doctoral dissertation. I remember his smile. I remember his quirky conversational style. I remember the gentle feel of his hand upon my back or shoulder. I remember that timeless sparkle in his eyes.

And I fear that a day might come when I might forget these things or the impact of this man on my life. He changed me. I think he was one of the first people to open me up to the artist hiding inside. He opened my mind to a deeper way of processing life through the lens of faith and art. He challenged me in ways I have never been challenged and called me out to a higher calling. I didn’t necessarily want to be like him at the time, but he made me want to be a better version of myself.

I think what’s so strange about losing Dr. Hsu is that nothing in my current circumstance is changing. Life will keep marching on as it has and, unless I am back at PBU, I will only see him slightly less than I have in the couple of years since graduating. And yet I feel an emptiness in the world tonight. A soul that held such a specific place in the universe has now left a vacuum that no one will ever be able to adequately fill.

I will never be able to go back and have another one of those beautifully deep conversations. And neither will any other students to come through the halls of PBU. By his absence, he has effectively set in motion a chain reaction that will cause PBU, in large and small ways, to never be the same again. This is also true of the other spheres he inhabited. None of them will, from this moment forward, be as they were merely a week ago. They will be forced to shift and adapt to fill the gaping hole that is left, as best they can.

In essence, it is the proof that Dr. Hsu was weighty. He was mostly soft spoken and polite, but there was no doubt that he was a presence. His talent, legacy and personality have left such a mark on so many lives that the ripples will be felt for generations to come. There are parts of me that would not be who I am today were it not for Dr. Hsu. He has implanted a part of himself in me that I will carry with me until I, myself, leave this earth for a life unhindered and unbound. That is what aches in his passing. The source of the fragments of him left in me is gone, and those fragments weep for their creator. There is a small part of me that will never be whole again.

I am being made aware of the significance of a life. We leave pieces of ourselves embedded within each and every person with who we interact; both good and bad, large and small. We will do this all throughout life, until that point where it is our turn to move on and we are so changed by others that we are hardly ourselves at all. And yet, somehow more fully ourselves that we could ever be on our own. We can only fully realize ourselves in the company of one another.

That is the legacy I long to leave. I want the pieces of myself that are imbedded in others to lead to healing and discovery and wholeness. I want someone to look back on their interaction with me and realize that they are a better person for having known me. That in some way, I was able to help them know themselves in a truer way. I want to be weighty, in a humble way, where the weight is not imposed, but only truly felt in its absence. I want to be fully who I was meant to be, so that I leave a vacuum no one else can fill.

Ultimately, even though I didn’t really see it at the time, I guess I do want to be like Dr. Hsu when I grow up.

Heading up to Bloomsburg was not a decision we took lightly. Having just faced one of the first earthquakes that most people I know on the East Coast had ever felt, it was very hard to distinguish what was legitimate concern and what was mere paranoia in the weather warnings. I felt very strongly prompted by the Lord to not live in fear, and a couple of other confirmations spurred us to make the 3 hour trip up into the mountains. As Derick and I prepared and processed through the potential of a minimal turnout for the concert on Saturday night (due to the weather) we both rested in the fact that God would bring the people who needed to hear the message of healing I was bringing, regardless of how many people that would be. Even if the Lord just brought one person out, but brought about a turning point in their life, it would be worth it.

It was a step of faith and, as usual, the Lord far exceeded our expectations … not in numbers, but in impact. There were probably about 30 people out at the show, but the work that the Lord did in the hearts of the people there felt like the power for many more. I could see hearts being broken and healed right in front of me as I shared the truth that we cannot be healed unless we acknowledge our brokenness, and we cannot be holy unless we are healed. We ended the evening just celebrating in the Redemption the Lord is bringing and the hope that brings for us in the midst of our process. I also shared how beautiful of a thing it was that the Lord was using my brokenness to bring about healing in the lives of those gathered and He wanted to do the same thing in their lives with those He had placed in their circle of influence.

It was after the concert, though, that the Lord really brought such encouragement to my heart through some personal conversations with some precious people. One man shared with me about how the music and message that evening was exactly what the Lord had been working in his life that last week, dealing with two years of serious pain he had been trying to avoid. A member of BCC’s staff let me know that just within this last week, the church had gotten a couple instances of news from people that really needed to hear this message of healing. Worship just began to overflow from my heart as each person’s story revealed the heart of God in their situation.

It blew me away that, had I not gone through the experiences that inspired these songs, I would not have this message to share with these people. If I had not met Derick in college, become friends, stayed in touch and planned this evening, I wouldn’t have even been in Bloomsburg this weekend. Had the Lord not given these people these experiences and been working specifically in their hearts, the message would not have been so meaningful. Our God is so intimately involved in our lives that He brings just what we need, just at the right moment. But the incredible thing is that He has been planning these moments of intersection with each other throughout our entire lives, through the people, situations and messages we intersect with.

I became so aware of how necessary my story and the story of every single person at the concert is. How necessary it is to share our stories, so that the Lord can use them to encourage and uplift someone else that He’s brought into our life. This is the Body of Christ at work in all of its glorious mess. As we walk alongside each other, it is no accident that we are walking alongside the people we are, and that we are going through the things that we are going through right now. People may come into and out of our lives, but for these moments, we are journeying together and the Lord is using every single one of us in His grand scheme of Redemption. Yes, we are a small part of the larger plan, but the Lord cares intimately about every moment that He has given us and somehow orchestrates it all so that His mission of love towards us as an individual syncs up with His mission of love for each person around us.

Let’s strive to be more aware of how our lives are all intersecting with each other and be more willing to share what the Lord is doing in our lives. This is the Body of Christ in action, and there’s no telling how the power your story may be the very turning point that someone else’s life is waiting for. Praise the Lord for Intersections!

Rock Jetty at Ocean City

I had the absolute pleasure of leading worship and doing a mini-concert of song and testimony at Crossroads Community Church this last Sunday. I went into the service knowing that it was going to be a special morning for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I had met with their lead pastor, Mike Haub, a couple of times in preparation for this morning and we were both able to just share our hearts with each other. In the process, I got a great sneak peak at the type of authentically loving congregation this one was and how our hearts and ministries really resonated with each other. I was also able to work with their worship team in leading the worship time, which is always a blessing and an encouragement to me as I get to see how the worship of our God is manifested in different ways in different expressions of the Body of Christ.

One of the major things that made this Sunday unique, though, was the fact that this was the first mini-concert/song sermon that I’ve done in a church service. I was really excited about sharing my music and testimony in this way because it is the perfect venue to be able to dig down deep into the heart behind my songs. It is just short enough of a timeframe to keep me focused on one common thought/idea and yet long enough to really expound on the heart and truth behind these songs that God had given me. I did the following set list for the morning:

God of the Broken
Here
Atonement
Not Home
Healed

The gist of what I had to say and sing for the morning was focused around how we are all broken, we try to hide this brokenness from each other and God, and yet it is only when we share our brokenness and struggles with each other and discover the truth of God’s endless grace and love for us, that we can finally find healing. I also brought in the eternal perspective we need to have in order to view pain and beauty correctly in this life … how every element of our life can point us to God and the redemption that is to come. And, how it is ultimately this redemption that makes sense of all of the unanswered questions of pain and struggle in this life. Pastor Mike came up afterwards and led the congregation in a deeply moving “owning” of the healing that God has, is and will bring in our life as I did a reprise of the chorus and bridge of “Healed”.

As I sang the truth that God has given me to share through these songs over the people who had gathered, it was obvious to me that the Lord was moving in their hearts. There were tears, smiles tinted with journeys of hardship behind their eyes and gentle nods of silent agreement scattered throughout the congregation. And somewhere in the midst of this intersection of all of our stories of brokenness and belief, struggle and sanctification, a truth settled deep down in my heart:

MINE IS TO BE A MINISTRY OF HEALING.

The moment I acknowledged it, it made so much sense I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized it before. Mine is a story of brokenness and struggle, but it is also one of encountering a God who is all about my healing and that needs to ultimately be the focus of it all. Every song on my album, in one way or another, touches on a step on the journey to healing. These songs are honest enough to penetrate that hearts of the listener and allow them to acknowledge the different places in their own life in need of spiritual, emotional, relationship and even physical healing, take hold of their hand and walk with them to the cross, where we can die and be resurrected again into a newness of life that only Christ can bring.

The image at the top of this page is of a Jetty that I stood out on, with the waves crashing on the rocks around me, as I meditated on and experienced some of my own healing on our vacation to Ocean City, the very week before this service. For so long, I had cried out to God and asked him “Why me?” … “Why this struggle?” … “Why is it still here and why am I still fighting it daily?”. And as God does, He didn’t quite answer my question, but gave me the answer to the question I was really asking … “Is there any purpose behind any of this?”

The specifics are between myself and my Abba, but they have a whole lot to do with this quote from Rob Bell’s book “Drops Like Stars: A Few Thoughts On Creativity and Suffering” – ‘That’s what great artists do. That is what great people do. They ask it. They say it. They express it. They put into words what so many others are thinking and feeling and wondering. They affirm that YOU AREN’T THE ONLY ONE HAVING THIS EXPERIENCE.’ It’s highlighting the truth that we are all on this journey together. And on this journey, God is ultimately about our Healing. The true beauty in what every artist must learn, as Rob Bell states, “is that even the failed pieces are essential.”

I’ll leave you with this final quote from Harriet March describing her sculpting … but she could be describing our life and God’s work in it:

“So in the end every major disaster, every tiny error, every wrong turning, every fragment of discarded clay, all the blood, sweat and tears – everything has meaning. I give it meaning. I reuse, reshape, recast all that goes wrong so that in the end nothing is wasted and nothing is without significance and nothing ceases to be precious to me.”

My prayer for you and myself, as I begin this ministry of healing, is that we will truly be able to see that “nothing is wasted and nothing is without significance.” God is using every experience to make us more into the people He is creating us to be. Praise the Lord!

Decisions
Consciously Choosing
Back & Forth
Impact & Worth
Answer’s Obvious
But Wrestling Ensues
Do I leave a victor
Or the abused
Flailing under floggings
Of my own design
Whippings, wailings
Justified jailings
In my own prison
I hold the key
Do I surrender
The freedom I hold
For a death of gold
Embodied by these
Decisions

————————–

Ocean
Rise & Swell
Within my chest
Beating back
The needed rest
Surrender to
These crashing waves
In hopes that I
Might soon be saved
I feel my pride
Swept out to see
And in this water’s
Sweet retreat
I’m left as sure
As shores can leave
That rising tides
Rebaptize me

Today I thought, “Why not fill the empty pages with “Petite Poems” … little moments of inspiration?” Restrictions are often one of the best things for art, because they give the artist parameters within which the art can grow. I don’t know how it works, it’s just one of those many artistic oxymorons that keep us artists on our toes. So I took the restriction of having small pages with very little space to write and went with it. Due to the size of the pages, none of these will ever be more than 20 lines with only a couple of words per line.

So … here are my first two “Petite Poems” for your enjoyment, contemplation and comment. I hope this to be a relatively regular blog strain and, ultimately, hope to launch a whole new form of poetry that will be widely accepted and celebrated all across the world. Well, maybe not quite …

26 July 2011

Small Pages
Mean Less Words
Compressing
Big Thoughts
Big Dreams
Big Wrestling
Into Small Spaces
Deep Longings
In Shallow Skin
I guess I need to
Settle again
For the best I can
And pray that the hand
Of Eternity
Touches hearts of flesh

———-

Let it out
Close it down
Throw away
The barren ground
You brought the rain
And soon you found
The dusty clay
Could not resound
So rather than
Planting seed
In soil that can’t
Produce a weed
Let it out
Close it down
And throw away
That barren ground

I have 3 free tickets to give away for my gig this coming Saturday (23 July 2011) at The Rusty Nail in Ardmore, PA.

To celebrate the heart behind my debut album, “Between Redemption and the Pain“, I’d love to hear your stories of where you saw glimpses of redemption in the midst of pain. Just comment on this post with your story and and let me know if you’ll be able to attend the “Rusty Nail” gig. I’ll let you know by Saturday morning if you’re getting the tickets.

If you still want to buy tickets for the show, head on over to https://tickets.aftonshows.com/GordonGregory. This is my first show with Afton Shows so PLEASE come out and support my music!

That’s the for the support and I look forward to celebrating the beautiful power of Redemption together!

… If you do not know what hurts me, how can you truly love me?” – Madeleine L’Engle, “Walking on Water”

I’m beginning to realize that beauty and perfection are not synonymous. It is often the imperfections in someone or something that make us love it. I think of the first apartment my wife and I lived in together. It had such character and the various imperfections added more to a sense of nostalgia than frustration. It is the same in a work of art. We much prefer an individualized painting than a mass produced picture. There are reasons a raw, imperfectly performed song touches our hearts on levels that a fully produced pop song cannot.

This has such depth to speak to my heart that is often plagued with my own inadequacies and insecurities. I have cried out to God numerous times asking, “Why me? Why this struggle? Why am I so deeply wounded?” He is starting to speak this truth into my life:

Your beauty is found in your imperfections and it is through your imperfections that you are able to feel deep enough to touch a transcendent beauty that emanates from Me.

I feel as though this is the beginning of my battle with inadequacy … the realization that they are a necessary piece of myself as an artist. They are what allows me to touch a deeper place in my heart and in the hearts of others. Deep  brokenness creates a void that, out of necessity, seeks deep wholeness … and that is what draws me into the heart of God. It is the very things I want eradicated from my life that keep me humble and keep me desperate for God.

And I think I’m finally beginning to believe that it is worth it. For so long, it felt so pointless. But all I really wanted was a good enough reason for the brokenness. This is a broken world, and we’re never going to be able to escape our own brokenness, though we often try … and wake up one day in an addiction that we can’t figure out how we got into. The answer is not to escape. Wherever you try to escape to, your brokenness will be there, welcoming you into and ever-deepening brokenness. The answer instead is to acknowledge the brokenness that is so obvious, if we would only stop denying it. Acknowledge it and then seek the purpose and beauty behind it.

It is only then that we will begin to understand grace, for we will desperately need it.

It is only then that we will begin to understand love, for we can finally be loved for all of who we are … not just those pieces of ourselves we present to the world.

And we will finally find peace, because we have taken the first step towards the whole person God is calling us to be.

Time has shown that to be true and I praise the Lord for the truths that I am learning about my Heavenly Father as I discover what it means to be the father of my son. My only prayer is that, in some way, he would be able to see the heart of his FATHER mirrored in how I love him.

This video is from his child dedication a couple of months ago.

When I think of a beginning, I initially think of the start of something, as though what is beginning did not exist before and will be in existence from this point forward. But this is rarely the case. Beginnings are much more specific markers along a journey than the total beginning of a new journey itself. They are shaped and informed by everything that has led up to them, and often, would not have been in existence were it not for all of the twists and turns that occurred a couple of steps before them in the journey.

This is very evident as I think of the ‘official’ beginning of my music ministry, catalyzed by the release of my debut album, “Between Redemption and the Pain,” as well as the launching of this website. The CD itself is the culmination of 12 years of songwriting, many tapes I had made recording myself live and a couple of other smaller recording opportunities. The music ministry I’m launching is really an overflow of the coffeehouses/concerts I’ve played and worship that I’ve led in too many venues to count now. I feel the stories and people that have impacted my life over these last couple of years in each of these songs I write/sing and they get fuller with each new story I hear. There is no way to look at where I am at now, without acknowledging every person, situation and subtle act of God behind the scenes that has brought me to this point.

And yet, in this beginning, something truly different is happening with both me and my music: I am going public. For the longest time, my songs have been kept mostly to myself, sharing them with friends and family along the way, but never too extensively. For the first time, I am truly putting myself out there in these songs in a way that I feel truly represents who I am both musically and personally. There are finally high quality versions of these songs (that have now become the official version of the song) for people to hear with the hope that the message will truly be able to impact them. There is now a way to physically distribute this music and a place for people to go to get more information about my ministry. It has moved from something that I dappled in (pretty seriously) to something that I am now officially doing and pursuing in ways that can move this ministry forward.

So much of this has been motivated by a relatively new ‘stewardship’ mindset in regards to my songs, gifts and talents. Up until relatively recently, I had a very self-focused view of my ministry, keeping these songs mostly to myself because of the personal nature of the lyrics. God began to challenge me that anything that He gives us is for the betterment of others. These songs are ultimately not my own. The gifts, talents and inspiration are given to me by Him, and even though the songs mostly come out of my own personal experiences, there is a universal truth to so much of what I process through in them. And more than anything, if something God is teaching me is literally changing the way I view Him and interact with my world, who am I to keep that to myself?

It is my prayer that as this begins, as I launch this CD and music ministry, the things that have impacted me will be able to impact you through these songs. That you will get a more beautiful understanding of the heart of God. that you will find the freedom to live in grace and love that is freely available. That we would find our own new beginnings every day as we experience the truth that His mercy is new every morning. This is a journey and as we walk alongside each other, even if it is only as briefly as the length of a song, our lives are being affected by each other in large and small ways. And who knows … this beginning has the potential to be something that we can look back on as a catalyst for what took us places we never could have imagined the Lord would take us.